oh sweet jesus
oh sour jesus
oh BBQ jesus
oh cool ranch jesus
oh doritos locos tacos jesus
(via whatsacanada)
i had a dream i was a princess and then i woke up and i still am
(Source: lookinforhotbutts, via pitpiano)
a girl walks into a classroom wearing a spaghetti strap shirt. immediately every boy within a 50 yard radius gets a raging erection. the teacher attempts to present a lesson but to no avail, no one can hear over the sound of every male student masturbating to this girl’s shoulders. why couldn’t she just wear a long sleeved shirt
(via laugh-til-ya-fart)
(Source: tastefullyoffensive, via the-absolute-funniest-posts)
so you’re saying I can win 5 iphones every day??? and all I have to do is give my credit card number on this website I’ve never heard about??? well slam me in my tender butthole sir you’ve just got yourself a deal
Slam me in my tender butthole
I think I’ve just found my new favorite phrase.
(via messing-with-sass-quatch)
DailyGrace teaches you how to tell your parents you’re pregnant.
She wants the (ph)D
Not with that technique: no gloves, safety glasses, fume hood; the volume in the erlenmeyer flask is not suitable for what the flask allows; and the fumes from the left vessel are dangerously close to her nasal orifice. The only D she is asking for is Disaster.
You have earned my respect.
(Source: teejaypineapple, via messing-with-sass-quatch)
